Three words
by Marineneko
Summary: A very strange piece of fanfiction. What is the true meaning of eternal life? Yaoi content in a near future. Homophobes, stay away!


**Preliminary notes:**

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Ummm... hey. Most of you might not know me. My name is Marineneko, amateur writer of Mankin fics and a little known author even in my mother language.This is a translation of the third fic I wrote, which is indeed very strange. I know that every author's real challenge begins when he/she tries to write a fic in English, so I hope that it's not too weird and is at least a bit enjoyable... that is because I have a strange fixation with "unusual" couplings…

Please enjoy!

Title: Three words.

Category: Anime/ Shaman King

Genre: Humor/ Parody/ Romance

Rated: PG-13 for language

Total Chapters: Unknown at the time.

Images: Not available.

Summary: A very strange piece of fanfiction. What is the true meaning of eternal life? Yaoi content in a near future. Homophobes, stay away!

**IMPORTANT:** Be warned, for this fic contains lots of OOC, and my English teacher ruined my perfect English grammar… VIRGINIA STEAD (Miss Gaginny, only bilingual people get this joke) MUST DIE! Forgive the lack of coherence

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own Shaman King. Hiroyuki Takei does. Go bug him about the rights… Oh, right… I don't own Master Card either. Sweet, huh?

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**A representative quote:**

insert hallucinations 1 and 2 and a shiver

Marineneko is pleased to publish

This fanfiction that she calls…

**Three Words**

**Chapter one: The secret **

It was a beautiful Sunday morning in the Asakura household; birds sang, the sunlight was warm, the green grass smelled sweet, Tamao chores did, Anna laid down and Yoh trained.

But not everything was all right. A certain someone watched the young shaman's training with decreasing interest, as it had been the same all morning. Standing on a firm tree-branch, was Asakura Hao. 

He was bored as an oyster (A/N: do they use this saying in English too?) after half an hour of watching his marihuana-induced twin performing his daily routine as if there was no tomorrow, and fighting sleepiness to evade a blow to the head from his "adorable" fiancè.

In fact, at times like those, the long-haired shaman couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if he was in his brother's place; Thought which always seemed to end in the following hallucination:

**Hallucination (And you thought YOH was the drug-addict) **

(Hao can be seen sitting in front of the TV set with a bag of popcorn in one hand. Suddenly, a very familiar song begins to play…)

TV: Kimi Ni todoke Northern Lights...

Hao: YAY!

(Enter Anna)

Anna: Hao, training time!

Hao: But Anna! My favorite show just started!

Anna: Remember you have to become the Shaman King so that you can give me an easy life!

Hao: Amen. (Grabs a handful of popcorn and keeps watching TV)

Anna: IDIOT! (Hits Hao)

End of hallucination 

Which was even worse when it came followed by yet ANOTHER hallucination…

Second Hallucination 

[Yoh (wearing a Poncho) can be seen sitting at the edge of a cliff. A small shape with an Afro hairstyle hops over to where he is.]

Yoh: Opacho...

Opacho: Hai, Yoh-sama! (Opens boiled egg-sized eyes)

Yoh: What have you found out about Asakura Hao?

Opacho: (smiles evilly) (A/N: sou, I like OOC)

End of second hallucination 

Hao was sure that those dreadful hallucinations gave him those atrocious nightmares... TO HIM! To the great Asakura Hao! The one everyone feared and the one that never feared anyone! Now, that IS power…

If that torture gave him those serious psychological injuries, then why did the idiot keep going to his brother's place?

Well, maybe the reason wasn't even THAT clear for Hao himself (The rumors told that it was all summed up to a simple "I have nothing else to do").

The only thing he knew for certain was that he always expected to see anyone that dared to pass by the Inn-turned-into-a-nut-house, until he got bored and went to a higher branch to take a short nap.

It was at times like those when he could see every sort of people ever known to the planet coming and going, from pizza boys to Tao Ren.

To make things even worse, there was a time in which girly Lyserg Diethel had been living with the Asakuras/Kyouyamas/Whoever, and wouldn't stop throwing stuff to knock sexy Hao off the tree-branch; He had been the only one to notice his powerful presence. Fortunately, the even girlier Ryu of the wooden sword had kidnapped the British pretty boy, and the last time they had been seen together it was in one of those "love-hotels", with a very reluctant Lyserg wearing a cute pink princess dress.

In short, from a menace to humanity, Asakura Hao had just become a regular car-washing guy.

Hao had never wanted to be dead as he wanted it right now. That particular sunday morning, the feeling had intensified so much that he felt like showing himself to his "hosts" (Who had no idea that the long-haired shaman had been living in one of the nearby trees for at least a couple of weeks by now) to tell him that their daily routines made him retch in disgust and that he was seriously considering burning the house down with all of them inside before killing himself; since he could come back to life whenever he wanted to.

Right then, I entered the story. Yup, I, MARINE NEKO, who was also living in a nearby bush… because they kicked me out of my apartment.

When I realized the seriousness of the matter, I could only react in one way… I ran like the wind to search for another potential home. (A/N: So you thought I liked to Mary Sue, huh? Guess what! Mwahahahahaha!). Just then, I went out... And Horo Horo came in.

The blue haired skato went into the building as if it were his own, searching for his drugaddict friend, but the only thing that he could find was... Tamao cooking breakfast. As everybody knows, that was enough to stop the ainu in the kitchen for at least a couple of hours (with it's respective diharreic attack that lasted another two hours), so Hao had a few scenes to have fun watching right before a small, tiny bird (weight: three hundred pounds) crashed in his beautiful back, causing the young Shaman to fall headfirst over a wooden pole, making his "noble parts" get hit with a random force.

Yoh, Anna, and Tamao went out to see what had caused so much noise not so long ago. They came just in time to see the scene, which caused Tamao to laugh incessantly (A/N: OOC, anyone?), Yoh to go and tend his brother's... wounds... and Anna to exhale a sigh in frustration before reminding Yoh "oh-so-kindly" to go back into training if he didn't want to be killed by any other shaman, or even worse, by her.

Right then, Hao started to recover his conciousness. An ear-splitting scream pierced the air; Hao's parts ached meaningfully, and, after standing up with his hands covering such area and an expresión full of pain plastered all over his face, the shaman looked around and realized that he was being watched in that shameful situation. His face reddened… as much as the Spirit of Fire, who took charge and incinerated as many things as he could.

Hao then prepared to flee (Genma Saotome-style), but the omnipotent Kyouyama Anna-fiancè-of-Yoh-Asakura "stopped" him (not to say tied him to a tree) with her 1080 prayer beads. 

"What the hell are you doing here?" Asked Anna, question to which the long haired shaman answered in a small voice:

insert hallucinations 1 and 2 and a shiver"Running around stupidly, can't you see?"

Anna started to lose her 'patience'. "RIGHT OUTSIDE OF MY HOUSE?!"

"Ummm.......... yes?"

"And why aren't you hitting on Anna this time?" Asked Yoh, leaning over his brother.

insert hallucinations 1 and 2 and a shiver "....that's none of your business....I'll tell you why I'm here."

Anna took a seat in Yoh's bent back. "We're listening."

Hao proceeded to explain why he had been living on that tree with so many other homeless foreigners.

"But you're not a foreigner" Said Anna.

"You tell that to whoever cares."

"Ok, ok, keep going" Yoh switched the subject.

And he did, not forgetting to mention the time when Lyserg (whom he called "The green haired chick") stayed there. Yoh corrected him rather stupidly. 

"Lyserg is a boy"

"Well, the kid looked good in that pink dress"

An hour later 

After he finished his story, Hao tried to apply the UET (Universal Escape Technique), but this time he was stopped by his brother's friendly (A/N: Not that kind of friendliness, you perverts! ) hand in his right shoulder.

"Well, I guess since you are not trying to take over the world or elope with Anna you can stay in a room at our house"

Hao had never considered in asking his brother and his fiancè to let him stay; he thought it would be too lowly of him, but in desperate situations like his current one (All of the other big trees were full), everything was allowed.

"YOH!" Exclaimed Anna angrily.

"But Anna!" Said Yoh with puppy-dog eyes.

"Ok, he can stay, but he has to do chores like everyone else"

"........ Ok, then" Agreed Hao.

"In this life, everything has its price."

"But for everything else, there's Faster Card!"

"YOU IDIOT!" Anna hit Yoh with her left hand, making his face get irreversibly deformed.

insert hallucinations 1 and 2 and a shiver "A good thing I'm not my brother…"

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**TO BE CONTINUED IF ANYBODY REVIEWS**

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**Ending notes:**

Mehe, How is it going? You can easily flame me by clicking that little blue button down there…

Well, it's about time I left and all, so Ta!

Marineneko, the catgirl with a thousand fics on the waiting line 

PS: Sorry for format, this new tool is weird.


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